Eating Disorders, Addiction, and Belonging

29th March 2024 | Author: Bianca Skilbeck

“A deep sense of love and belonging is an irreducible need of all people. We are biologically, cognitively, physically and spiritually wired to love, to be loved, and to belong. When those needs are not met, we don’t function as we were meant to. We break. We fall apart. We numb. We ache. We hurt others. We get sick”

            - Brené Brown, Author

If you look up the word “belong” in the dictionary, you will find “be the property of” or “be a member of (a particular group or organization)”, and a feeling of “belonging” is defined as “an affinity for a place or situation”. Further, “belongingness” is “the state or feeling of belonging to a particular group”.

But what does this have to do with eating disorders?

Our sense of whether we belong is intrinsically connected to our experience of the world, and how well we function in it. Importantly, this includes how we create a life connected to others, how we self-care, and how much we trust that people and the world "have our back". 

Research has shown that at least some of the areas involved in processes of addictive, compulsive, or dependent behaviours are interconnected with the same areas in the brain that are activated in our primary attachment relationships. In other words, there seems to be a link between our sense of belonging, our need for affiliation and support, and our vulnerability to dependency or addiction.

For example, in a study investigating the links between adolescent smart phone addiction, self-esteem and the need to belong, researchers discovered that high self-esteem seemed to act as a protective factor against smartphone addiction for the participants who had a strong need to belong. That might not be surprising, especially if you have teenagers or if you are a teenager. After all, what adolescent isn’t on a quest to figure their identity and where they belong? Naturally, the accessibility of smart phones and social media is going to play a role the evolution of the adolescent experience.

When we look at other types of addictive experiences, the research begins to stack up. In a psychological study investigating the links between ostracism and alcohol consumption, researchers observed the quantity of alcohol consumed in participants who were carefully included in to a social group, versus participants who were ostracised from the social group. Results found that participants in the ostracised condition consistently consumed more alcohol than those who were in the included condition. This was of course a contrived experiment, however, common sense quickly extrapolates these findings to the outside world and the experiences of people who feel, or who genuinely are, consistently ostracised or marginalised.

Taking a further look through the wider lens of societal structures, there is fascinating anthropological research in the field of eating disorders which suggests that ethnic identity and the level to which one feels like they "belong" to their ethnic or cultural group, may impact some of the risk factors involved in the development of both over and under-eating disorders.

What these results all begin to suggest is something that we all intuitively know; that disconnection is painful. Feeling like you don’t belong hurts.

When we feel that we truly belong, we experience a deep sense that where we are is exactly where we are meant to be. That fundamentally, we are not a mistake and that our existence on this planet was meant to be. That we are not someone or something who needs to be hidden, shamed, fixed, manipulated or changed.

When we don’t feel that we belong, we experience pain, hurt and rejection. We experience a sense that we are not enough. We may feel shameful and develop a deep belief that we must hide ourselves. That we are somehow a mistake and that maybe we shouldn’t even be here. Often, if we cannot deal with the pain of these feelings (and who could?), we numb. We turn to what we depend on, what we find addictive, compulsive, or habitual to block out these feelings, if only for a moment, and it makes sense.

Oftentimes, people caught in a cycle of dependence or addiction will describe their experience in these terms of belonging. This can sometimes be seen in the case of eating disorders, when a person describes their disorder as their "friend"; the one thing that they can depend on, their place to go or belong when they feel let down by the rest of the world. That they don't belong. 

So today, know now that you are not a mistake. Know that you were meant to be here because you are here. Write these words in big letters across your bedroom wall if you need to. You do belong here and you deserve to be here as much as anyone.

Suggested Exercise

Where do you belong? Make a list in your journal of where you truly feel you belong. It may be to social groups; the family unit, friends, extended cultural group, sporting or hobby groups. It may be to something bigger, do you feel like you belong to your country or your cultural or ethnic identity? Many people report that they experience a deep sense of belonging when they are in nature; a sense of belonging to the world. At an individual level, do you feel like you belong in your body, in your mind? Do you belong in your chosen career or professional path? The list goes on.

If you start to find that you don’t have enough places or experiences of feeling a deep sense of connection and belonging, then this is a problem. If you don’t, then it is time to start to find those places. Make yourself a priority. Put yourself out in to the world and dare to be seen. Set yourself some goals today for finding places to belong. 

References

Pintus, G. (2017). Addiction as Persistent Traumatic Experience: Neurobiological Processes and Good Contact. Gestalt Review, 21(3), 221–232.

Bacon, A. K., & Engerman, B. (2018). Excluded, then inebriated: A preliminary investigation into the role of ostracism on alcohol consumption. Addictive Behaviors Reports, 8, 25–32.

Shuttlesworth, M. E., & Zotter, D. (2011). Disordered Eating in African American and Caucasian Women: The role of ethnic identity. Journal of Black Studies, 42(6), 906-922